best-of-funny:

ohneooo:

mjolnirismymanhood:

screamingthesilence:

ALRIGHT LISTEN UP MY LITTLE SHITS

APPARENTLY NOBODY’S HEARD OF PROPER FUCKING ICE CREAM SANDWICHES SO I’M GOING TO SHOW YOU FUCKS HOW TO MAKE ONE

FIRST STRUT YOUR FINE ASS OVER TO YOUR FREEZY BOX AND GRAB YOURSELF SOME OF THAT SWEET WOMAN OF JESUS AUNT JEMIMA’S WAFFLES AND YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM. IF YOU DON’T HAVE YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM THAN JUST GRAB WHATEVER THE FUCK YOU GOT IN THERE. IF YOU DON’T HAVE ANY DAMN ICE CREAM THEN SHIT MAN YOU’RE OUT OF LUCK.

image

IF YOU’RE NOT A WHINY PANSY AND YOU THINK YOU CAN HANDLE BEING A HARDCORE MOTHER FUCKER THEN TOSS IN SOME OTHER SHIT YOU LIKE

image

BUT FOR RIGHT NOW I’M GOING TO FOCUS ON ALL YOU PANSIES WHO WANT YOUR ICE CREAM UNTAINTED BY OTHER SUCCULENT TOPPINGS

RIP INTO THAT BOX OF SWEET AUNTIE’S WAFFLES AND FIRMLY GRASP TWO

NO MORE THAN TWO

JUST DON’T DO IT

YOU ARE NOT YET READY FOR THE COLOSSAL CREAM CLUB SUB  

ONCE YOU HAVE THOSE TWO LITTLE SHITS IN YOUR HAND THROW THEM ACROSS THE ROOM SO THAT THEY LAND PERFECTLY IN YOUR TOASTER

IF YOUR AIM SUCKS ASS JUST PUT THEM IN GENTLY WHILE TRASH TALKING YOUR TOASTER BECAUSE YOU’RE STILL HARDCORE

image

WHILE YOU’RE WAITING FOR YOUR WAFFLES TO BE AS TOASTY AS YOUR CHOICE ASS RUN OUTSIDE AND SMASH A CAR OR SOMETHING

BY THE TIME YOU WASH THE BLOOD OFF YOUR HANDS THOSE DELICIOUS LITTLE SYRUP DISKS SHOULD BE READY FOR ACTION

TOSS THOSE FUCKERS ON A PLATE AND PILE THE CREAMY GOODNESS ON ONE OF THEM

image

COVER UP THAT SHIT WITH YOUR OTHER WAFFLE AND WHIP OUT THAT BUTTERFLY BLADE YOU KEEP ON YOUR PERSON AT ALL TIMES BECAUSE THE THUG LIFE CHOSE YOU

STAB THE BASTARD REPEATEDLY UNTIL IT’S PERFECTLY SPLIT DOWN THE MIDDLE BECAUSE YOU’RE A CLASSY MOTHERFUCKER

image 

NOW FOR YOU SICK FUCKS THAT THINK YOU CAN HANDLE MORE TOPPINGS YOU’RE GOING TO DO THE SAME SHIT THAT I JUST FUCKING TOLD YOU TO DO BUT BEFORE YOU PILE ON YOUR ICE CREAM YOU WANT TO LATHER YOUR PEANUT BUTTER/ CHOCOLATE SYRUP/ WHATEVER YOU CAN FIND ONTO THE WAFFLE

image

THEN DUMP OTHER TASTY SHIT ON THERE AS YOU SEE FIT

YOU GET TO FIGURE OUT THAT PART I’M NOT GOING TO HOLD YOUR HAND THROUGH THIS WHOLE PROCESS LITTLE SHITLET

image

AND AFTER THAT JUST GO BACK UP AND READ THE PANSY INSTRUCTIONS BECAUSE THEY’RE THE SAME THING FROM HERE OUT

CONGRATULATIONS YOU JUST MADE A MOTHERFUCKING ICE CREAM SANDWICH AND YOUR PRIZE IS YOU GET TO GO DEVOUR IT LIKE IT’S THE BEST THING YOU’VE TASTED SINCE YOUR MOTHER’S BREAST MILK BECAUSE IT DAMN SURE IS

image 

I love people who can speak my language in recipes

I am laughing so hard inside i cant even express it in some overused lmfao or lol. HAHAHAHAHAH

X

Cliche (Niall Horan) - {Ongoing}

I’m Kim and I’m just one of those girls whose involved in a cliché love story where I fall in love with my best friend, Niall Horan.


Only on wattpad, HERE.

Mathc Ruiner (Louis Tomlinson) - {Coming Soon}

I’m Louis Tomlinson. I promised myself that I will do whatever it takes to make my best friend’s Skyler and Harry become a couple. Be their matchmaker to be exact. But why did one day come when I just felt jealous? And why did it come to the point where me, the matchmaker, becomes the matchruiner?


Only on wattpad, HERE.

The President’s Daughter (Harry Styles) - {Ongoing➪}

Flirt, Reckless and Daredevil, that’s me. And not to mention, I’m also the President’s Daughter. So please tell me why a flirt like me is going to live with a cheeky curly-haired british singing sensation?

Only on wattpad, HERE.

If Only You Knew (Zayn Malik) - {Completed✓}

Who would have thought that being a babysitter would change my life? Who would have thought that being a babysitter would bring me back together with my bestfriend? Who would have thought that being a baysitter would make me fall-in-love with the guy that doesn’t wanna do anything with me?


Well I sure didn’t thought so.

Only on wattpad, HERE.

Who Should I Choose? (One Direction) - {Ongoing➪}

Have you ever got to the point where you have to choose between your bestfriend, a transfer, your ex, the school badboy and your ex bestfriend? Well I have. And I’m telling you, it’s not easy.

Only on wattpad, HERE.

stylinyum:

ARE

image

WE

imageNOT GOING TO 

image

TALK ABOUT THIS SUPER CUTE GUY GIVING SUPER CUTE HEARTEYES TO NIALL? 

Chapter 14 - One Direction.

Chapter 14

Louis’ POV

It was another Monday Morning. Nothing much happened through the weekend, me and the gang thought that we should have some personal space since we’re always together, so, we all spent our weekends by ourselves. I’m currently walking with the gang to Ariel’s House like we do every morning. Ariel. Just by the mention of her name makes me smile. I can’t believe that I just kissed Ariel. And to make it better, she kissed back. She actually kissed me back. Does that mean she likes me too? Does it mean that she choosed me instead of the Harry, Zayn, Liam and Niall? What do you even call me and Ariel? Bestfriends? A Couple? Friends with Benefits?

"Louis? Louis! LOUIS!”

"Whoa what?" I asked, shaking my head a bit to get me back to reality.

"You’ve been staring into air the whole time." Liam said.

"You fancy the wind?" Zayn said in a mocking tone and the gang laughed. Normally, I would find a sassy remark about that, but at the moment, I didn’t.

"Oh yeah, uh sorry." The gang stopped on their tracks and looked at me.

"Did you just say sorry?" Niall asked in disbelief.

"Did I? Oh yeah, I guess I did." I said casually and they all gasped. Harry went closer to me and touched my forehead and neck. "Are you sick mate?"

"No I’m not. I’m fine. I just said sorry to him, why is it such a big deal?" I said as I rolled my eyes. They all looked at each other and smiled.

"There’s the sassiness back." Perrie said, patting my shoulder and the rest chuckled. They like me better when I’m sassy and they think I’m odd when I’m being nice? Well that’s new.

We finally arrived at the Bieber’s Rescidence. Normally, we would just walk staright in, but Justin told us this weekend that her mom is back and we didn’t want to look like bad teenagers who influence her children and niece with unproper stuff- although that’s what we really do. So instead, we rang the doorbell. The door opened and we were greeted by Pattie.

"Wow, I didn’t realize that my children are so popular." Pattie said as she smiled at us and we just chuckled at her comment. "Come in." We muttered our some thank you’s and the went in. We all sat on the couches and floors on the living room.

"JUSTIN! ARIEL! ELEANOR! Your friends are hereee!" Pattie screamed from down the stairs.

"JUST A MINUTE!" a girl screamed from upstairs which I’m guessing is Eleanor, i recognize that girl’s voice anywhere.

"TELL THEM TO WAIT! THEY’RE NOT THE BOSS OF ME!" a man screamed and we know it was Justin.

"YEAH YEAH JUST HOLD ON!" a cute voice screamed and I know that it was none other than Ariel and a smile crept into my lips.

"I’m making breakfast, do you children want some?" Pattie asked and we just shook our heads. She smiled at us before going back to their kitchen. After a few more minutes, the 3 went down the stairs, all dressed-up and holding their bags, completely ready for school.

"Finally! Took you long enough!" Selena huffed.

"Well now you know how it feels to wait for someone who takes forever to get ready." Justin snapped back and Sel just rolled her eyes. We all stood up from our seats and made our way to the door.

"Want me to carry your bag?" I offered to Ariel. She looked at me for a brief moment but then looked away.

"It’s ok, I can carry it myself." she smiled at me- forcely if I may add- and then caught up with Hannah and Selena, squeezing in the middle of the two. Sel and Han just laughed and placed their arms around Ariel as they lead the way school.

Ok was what that all about? Did Ariel just avoided me?

-:-:-:-

Ariel’s POV

We were currently at Music Class, just sitting on our seats and jotting down some notes from the discussion. I’m staring to put my plan on play- avoid Louis. I don’t want to do this, I never wanted to stay away from my bestfriend. But I think it’s for the best, not just for me and him, but also for the gang, for our friendship.

I would occasionally glance around the room and sometimes, I catch Louis staring at me with a knowing look. A look that says ‘what’s wrong’. I know Louis too much so that’s why I know that. I just shook my head and mouthed ‘I’m ok’ to him. But with the face he pulled, he didn’t look quite convinced.

"Ok class listen up, before I dissmiss you, I will first tell you your project for the semester." our teacher said which earned a few groans.

"This will put up a big percent on your grade so I suggest you listen." he started off and we all just nodded. "I want you to write your own song."

The whole class gasped simutaenously and stared to murmur.

"Ok shh, quiet down, hold your horses." the teacher said and we all shutted up. "I want you to write your own song. It can be about anything you want, topic is not a big deal."

"Will we write it alone, as a partner or a group?" Hannah asked.

"That’s up to you. You may go solo, duet or even a music group."

"Wait, what do you mean solo, duet and music group? Are we going to sing it?" Niall asked and the teacher nodded. "Yes Mr.Horan, you will sing it. In front of the whole school."

All our eyes widened and we again gasped.

"The school will host a program after 2 weeks which is the end of the first week next month. The program is a celebration for Music Month and that’s when you’ll perform your song. Which means, you have to finish your songs at least a day before the exact date of the program. I will be there to grade your performance."

"What’s the criteria?" Zayn asked and then the teacher started scribbling notes in the blackboard.

"40% for song originality, 30% for stage appearance, 20% for creativity and 10% for audience impact." the teacher said. "Ok, since we still have 10 minutes left, I’ll give you time to decide if you’ll go solo, duet or a group. Before you go out please pass your name and the catergory in a sheet of paper and leave it in my desk."

Everyone started to stand up and started asking for questions and stuff. I saw Liam wave to Zayn, Harry, Niall and Louis, signalling them to come closer to him and so they did.

"So, what will you be Ariel?" Selena asked me and I just shrugged. "I’ll go solo I guess. What about you?" she took her paper and showed it to me. I looked at it and it has there written: ‘Selena Gomez. (Solo)’

"Solo too huh?" I asked and she nodded as she passed her paper in-front. Not long after, the bell rang and it was now lunch break.

-:-:-:-

Me, Selena, Hannah, Perrie and Belle seperated from the boys. We lost track of them after they huttled up at Music Class. We ordered our food and went to our usual table where Justin, Danielle and Eleanor are already seating.

"Hey," Justin said as he scooted over for Selena to seat next to him and gave her a quick peck.

"Where are the boys?" Eleanor asked as she looked around the cafeteria.

"I don’t know, they ditched us earlier." Belle shrugged as she took a french fry and stuffed it in her mouth.

"So, what are you girls going to be for the project?" Selena asked casually and Eleanor raised her eyebrow. "What project?"

"Our Music Teacher asked us to write a song and perform it on stage at the Music Month program as a project." I answered and they all nodded.

"Well, I’m going solo." Belle said, reffering to Selena’s question.

"Yeah, I’m going solo too." Hannah said, munching on her salad.

"Me too." Selena said.

"Me three." I said as I giggled a bit. "What about you Perrie?"

She shrugged. “I’m going as a group.”

"With who?"

"You guys know Jade, Leigh Ann and Jesy?"

"Yeah?" Belle asked.

"I’m going as a group with them." she said and we nodded. "Nice."

Just then, someone covered her eyes. “Give me some fries and nobody gets hurt.”

Belle giggled. “I know that’s you Ni. Now take your hands off and I’ll give you some.” Niall then took his hands off and sat next to Belle- which is also next to me- and then Belle fed Niall with the fries. Just on cue, the other 4 boys also came towards us and sat on the vacant seats.

"Where have you guys been?" Perrie asked and Zayn shrugged. "We just talked about the project in Music Class."

"Should we tell ‘em?" Niall asked, putting an arm around Belle.

"Of course we should!" Louis exclaimed.

"Tell us about what?" I asked.

"We’re going to be a music group for Music Class." Harry said proudly.

"Really? Like the 5 of you?" I asked in disbelief.

"Yeah, we think it’ll be really cool. Plus, it’ll be easier to write the song if there’s 5 of us working together." Liam said and I just sat there, astonished. Just when I think that they’re not going to get along that much, they’re actually forming a music group.

"That’s sound so cool!" Hannah exclaimed and the rest of us agreed.

"So what are you going to be called? Like you know, Music Group’s have their own names." Danielle said as she took a sip of her juice.

"Yes of course, we have a name. Drum roll please!" Louis said and we all simutaenously did a drum roll on the table.

"We’ll be called- One Direction!"

"One Direction? Why that?" I asked and they shrugged.

"I dunno, Harry thought of it." Zayn said and our eyes went to Harry.

"Well I just thought that me and the boys go in One Direction."

"Go in One Direction? One Direction in what?" Eleanor asked, still seemingly confused.

"You know, we go in just one heart, one girl, so we go in One Direction." Harry said his eyes were locked to me when he said it. It took a while for me to understand but then it hit me. They go in One Direction, and that is the heart of a certain girl. Me.

The rest obviously got it too because it became quiet. Only Belle, Perrie and Hannah were acting like it was no big deal since they didn’t know about the whole ‘Crush Thing’.

Just then, Selena cleared her throat. “So ahh…Eleanor! Is that a new shirt?!”

"What? No it’s-" Eleanor was about to speak but Selena raised her eyebrow on her.

"Oh! Yes of course! I just bought it yesterday!"

"Oh yeah, nice shirt El!" Danielle played along. I know they were just trying to relieve the awkwardness, and I thank them for that. We all continued to eat for a while until the bell rang and we all stood up.

"See you guys later." I waved at them and they waved back. Justin kissed my forehead and I smiled at him before I made my way out the cafeteria. I was about to go in to my next classroom when someone pulled my arm.

"What the-" that someone covered my mouth and then dragged me inside the janitor’s closet and locked it.

"What is happeni- Louis?" I said, squinting my eyes a bit so I can get a better view since the closet was dark.

"Yup, it’s me."

"What’s it with you and closets and why do you always drag me with you?" I asked, fixing my hair a bit.

"I need to talk to you." he said and I raised my eyebrow. "Can’t it wait until later?"

"No, I need to talk to you now." he said bluntly and I rolled my eyes. "Fine, spill."

"Ariel are you avoiding me?" he asked straightly and I tensed up. I should’ve known this was coming. I stayed quiet and started fidgeting with my fingers, a habit I usually do when I’m nervous.

"Well?"

"I ah..I just.."

"Answer the question Ariel. Are you avoiding me?" he asked with an intimidating look. I stared at him for a while, biting my lip and he just raised his eyebrows on me.

"Ok fine! I am avoiding you ok?" I exclaimed.

"Why? Did I do something wrong?" he asked as a frown formed on his face. "Was it about that kiss?"

"No! It’s just that-" I cut myself off and took a deep breath. "Louis, I like you, I love you. You know that, but only as a friend. Both of us know that when the boys find out about that kiss, it’ll be the start of World War 3. And I don’t want you to break your friendship with them because of me. You all mean so much to me and seeing just one of you leave will break me. I know sooner or later I’m gonna have to choose, but not right now. I need to figure out my feelings first. My feelings for you and my feelings for them. I hope you understand Louis."

He looked at the ground and then back at me. He smiled weakly and then nodded. “I understand.”

I took a deep breath and smiled. “Thank you. That means so much. Promise me you’re not mad?”

"I’m not mad. I can never be mad at you Ariel." he said, giving me his cheeky smirk that never failed to make me blush.

We stayed there, just staring at each other for a few minutes and then the second bell rang. Which means I’m almost late to class.

"I really need to go." I said and he nodded. "Yeah me too." I stepped forward and then kissed his cheek. "I’ll see you later Lou." He smiled at me and by that, I scurried out the Janitor’s closet and into Geography Class.

-:-:-:-

[CLASS DISSMISAL]

Todays clasess were finally over and as usual, me and the gang were walking home.

"Hey girls, why don’t we go out and grab some coffee." Eleanor chimed out of the blue.

"Yeah sure, I don’t have anything to do." Selena answered.

"Yeah me too." I said and the rest of the girls nodded.

"Yeah I’m not busy." Louis said and Eleanor placed her hand in front of his face. "Capital N-O Tomlinson."

"Huh?"

Didn’t you hear what I said? I said, ‘hey girls’ not ‘hey guys’. Which means, it’s only us girls.”

"What? That’s unfair!" Harry whined.

"Call it unfair but me and the girls need some time apart from you boys. Right ladies?" Eleanor said and me and the rest of the girls nodded.

"You’re so mean to us!" Niall pouted and stomped off, followed by the rest of the boys, leaving me and the girls laughing.

"Come on ladies, let’s have some girl time!" Danielle exclaimed and we all squealed, linked our arms together and walked the other way.

-:-:-:-

"How did you even find this place?" I asked as I munched on my potato chips and a girl is giving me a foot massage.

"I have my sources." Eleanor said and we all giggled. We were currently at this spa. But it wasn’t an ordinary spa. It’s a spa were they’ll do anything you ask for. And I mean anything. If I tell them to get me a chocolate sundae, they’ll do it. But that kind of service cost a lot of money. But thanks to Hannah & Belle’s money- and by their money I mean their parents money- we got to expirience this.

"Ok, I think it’s time for a truth-out." Belle said out of the blue and we raised our eyebrows at her. "Truth-Out?" I asked.

"Yes. A truth-out is that we tell each other our crushes and since we’re all bestfriends here, I think it’s all fair if we do it right?"

"I agree!" Selena exclaimed and the rest of us nodded in hesitance. That was easy for them to say since they have boyfriends and they’ll obviously just say their name. But what about the rest of us?

"Ok, I’ll start." Belle said. "My crush is the one and only Niall James Horan."

"Why am I not surprised." Perrie said sarcastically and we all laughed.

"My turn!" Selena exclaimed and I fake gasped. "Oh, I wonder who your crush could be?"

The girls laughed and Selena just rolled her eyes. “Yeah, well my crush is Justin Drew Bieber.”

"Oh my gosh really?!" I fake shocked and Selena stuck her middle finger on me and I stuck my tongue out on her.

"Ok, your turn Perrie." Belle said and all our eyes shifted to Perrie.

"Do I really have to?" she whined.

"Of course you do!" Selena said.

"Don’t worry. We won’t tell." Belle reassured and Perrie took a deep breath. "Alright, well, my crush is…" she took a pause before continuing. "Zayn."

We all gasped and started squealing. “OH MY GOSH I KNEW IT!”

"YOU’RE PERFECT FOR EACH OTHER!"

I had a feeling that she was gonna say Zayn. From the moment we got close with her at Starbucks, she always seem to blush at every little thing that Zayn says and she always laugh along with him.

Perrie just blushed and looked at the ground. “Yeah yeah whatever, now your turn Danielle.”

Danielle bit her lip, closed her eyes and took a deep breath. “Liam.” We all gasped at the same time- which made us look like idiots by the way- and sinutaenously said our opinions. In my mind it just kind of clicked. So that’s why Danielle has been looking strangley at Liam these days. She has a crush on him. Why didn’t I notice that?

I was about to speak up but Danielle held her hand in my mouth. “No comments ok. Your turn Eleanor.”

"You might think I’m an idiot if I tell you who my crush is." Eleanor said, looking at the ground.

"Why would you be? It’s just a crush El." Perrie reassured her and we all nodded.

Eleanor looked up and her eyes met Selena’s. Sel raised her eyebrows and El sighed. “Fine, I’ll tell you.” We all leaned in closer to El and listened carefully. “My crush is….Louis..”

"WHAT?!" we- except Sel- screamed at the same time.

"See, I told you I’m an idiot."

"No you’re not! It’s just kind of unexpected." Danielle said and Hannah nodded. "Yeah, you guys always fight about every little thing. It’s really surprising that you like him."

"Wow, that’s the first time I hear Hannah say something that long." Belle joked and we all laughed. It was true, Hannah speaks the least among all of us and when she does speak, she only say a short response.

"Well, you know what I think?" I said.

"What?"

"The more you hate, the more you love."

"Wow, that’s deep dude." Danielle said, making a deep man-like voice that made us laugh. And again, another ding popped in my mind. That night before the night out, Louis gave me a piggy back ride and she gave us weird glances. Turns out those weird glances were jealousy.

"Ok, your turn Hannah." Eleanor said, cutting me out of my trance and all our attention shifted to the blonde girl.

"I don’t have a crush." she said flatly.

"Oh come on! Don’t deny it!" Belle exclaimed and Hannah raised her eyebrow. "Deny what?"

Belle rolled her eyes. “We all know that you like Harry.” She stayed quiet for a minute before she bursted out laughing. “Y-You think I like H-Harry?!” she asked in-between laughs.

"Well yeah, you two are pretty close." Perrie said and Hannah just shook her head. "I don’t like him. His just a close friend. But,"

"But what?" I asked.

"If I think of all the boys I know, I think Harry is the closest one to be my crush. So yeah, I’ll say Harry."

"I KNEW IT!" we yelled at the same time.

"And P.S. that was another long statement." Selena winked at her and she just rolled her eyes. "Yeah ok I get it, I say a looot of long statements today," she said and we laughed. "Your turn Red."

All their eyes’ locked on mine, their attentions all on me. What the hell am I suppose to say? I’m not even sure of my own feelings, how can I say it out loud?

"Well? Who’s your crush Ariel?" Perrie asked. I inwardly debated wether who to say. I sighed heavily, they all admitted their crushes and it was way unfair if I don’t tell mine. I was about to say a name when the bell by the door rang, indicating that someone has arrived.

"I told you they’ll be here!!!" A familiar boy screamed (Louis). We all shifted our attention to the door and saw the boys there.

"What the hell are you doing here?!" Eleanor screamed.

"We missed you guuuuys!" Niall pouted.

"We couldn’t stand it without you!" Harry said, making a puppy dog face.

"We felt uncomplete!" Justin exclaimed.

"We felt like a piece of us is missing!" Zayn added and batted his eyelashes for more effect.

I looked at Liam and raised  

my eyebrow, waiting for him to make his own dramatic response but he just raised his hands in a surrenduring position. “Hey I tried to stop them ok.”

I rolled my eyes. “Guys would you get to the point?”

"Could we join you?" they chorused and looked at us with their best puppy face. They were pouting, bating their eyelashes and making adorable baby eyes. Me and the girls looked at each other, mentally communicating. Like I said before, us girls have our inward way of communicating.

"FINE!" we said at the same time.

"Just stop those faces ok." Danielle added and the boys cheered. "YAAAY!"

I was actually relieved that the boys came, they took me out of the awkward situation of almost spilling ny crush. Well, Perrie likes Zayn, Danielle likes Liam, Eleanor likes Louis and Hannah likes Harry. Now I feel all bad. Because News Flash: my friends have crushes on the guys who likes me. Why does my life have to be complicated? I’m not even in UNI and yet I feel like I’m an adult with a complicated life. Can I just throw myself in a cliff now?


posted 11 months ago with 0 notes
ℒachowskii